Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado?
What did the one tornado say to the other?
Let’s twist again like we did last summer.
What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
You make my temperature rise.
What happens when fog lifts in California?
What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One is reined up and the other rains down.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
My plop is bigger than your plop.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You have to been careful not to step in a poodle.
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
Foul (fowl) weather.
What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you.
How do you find out the weather when you’re on vacation?
Go outside and look up.
FLOWER AND GARDEN JOKES
Why is grass so dangerous?
Because it’s full of blades!
What do you get when you cross poison oak with a four leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
Why can’t the flower ride his bike?
Because he lost his petals!
What do trees drink?
What did the baby Tulip say to its baby-sitter?
”I want my Poppy and my Mum!”
What is the best kind of guy to meet?
What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots!
What do you get when you cross fruit with a necklace?
A food chain!
What kind of flower looks like it just came back from a fight?
A black-eyed Susan!
What do you call a homeless snail?
What do you get when you cross a genius with a tree?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It went down the road and turned into a field!
What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Why is the letter “A” like a flower?
A bee (B) comes after it!
What flowers grow on faces?
What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A penguin falling down the stairs!
When does a teacher carry birdseed?
When there is a parrot-teacher conference!
What kind of bird works at a construction site?
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if it lifted both legs it would fall over!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!
What’s got wings, feathers, and fangs?
What does an eagle like to write with?
A bald-point pen.
Where does a peacock go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store!
What books did the owl like?
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ear off.
How do lovebirds dance?
Chick to chick.
What do you give a sick bird?
What figure is like a lost parrot?
Which animal grows down?
What does a duck like to eat with soup?
JOKES ABOUT BEES!
What does a bee get at McDonalds?
What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
A bee in a submarine!
What’s more dangerous than being with a fool?
Fooling with a bee!
What did the spider say to the bee?
Your honey or your life!
Who is a bee’s favorite painter?
What did the bee say to the other bee in summer?
Swarm here isn’t it!
What is a bee’s favorite classical music composer?
Who writes books for little bees?
Where do bees go on holiday?
What do you call a bee who’s had a spell put on him?
JOKES ABOUT FROGS (Or to use for Leap Year)
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!
What does a frog wear on St. Patrick’s day?
What did the frog dress up for on Halloween?
What’s the preferred car of frogs?
What’s green and jumps?
A frog!! (groan!)
What’s green and red?
A very mad frog.
What’s green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!
What’s green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!
What’s black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
What’s green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
What do frogs do with paper?
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired?
It got toad!!
What’s green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
What is a frogs favorite time?
- School & Computers
- Animals: Cats, Dogs, Elephants, Variety, Animals that live on Farm
- Sports: Baseball-Football-General
- Jokes Insects, Fleas, Flies, Spiders
- Patriotic (Labor Day, Memorial Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July, Patriotic Theme, Uncle Sam, Presidents Day)
- All Winter time Jokes: Good All Winter, Reindeer, Christmas
- St. Patrick’s Day
- April Fools Day