Jokes: Sport Variety, Baseball & Football


What does baseball have in common with pancakes?
They both rely on the batter!

What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet? 
A throw rug.

What did the baseball player do when the coach said to steal second?
He stole the base and went home.

Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform?
New Jersey.

Where should a baseball player never wear red?
In the bull pen

What do baseball players eat on?
Home plates!

Why don’t baseball players join unions?
Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes

Why are baseball players so rich?
Because they play on diamonds!

When should baseball players wear armor?
When they play knight games

Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?
From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle.

Why did the baseball team hire a cook?
They needed a good batter.

Why is a baseball umpire like an angry chicken?
They both have foul mouths!

Why is it bad to play basketball with a pig?
Because it will always hog the ball!

What would you get if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?
A bouncing baby boa.

Where does a bat go to get clean?
The Bat Tub

Why was the baseball player at the store?
For a sales pitch.

How did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!


Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!

Which insect didn’t play well in goal?
The fumble bee!

When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team’s kipper!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!

Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, a crossbar can’t jump!

Why did the football player hold his boot to his ear?
Because he liked sole music!

What tea do football players drink?

Where do footballers dance?
At a footBALL!

What did the bumble bee striker say?
Hive scored!

What are Brazilian fans called?
Brazil nuts!

What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes !

How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?
They prefer cricket games!

Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!


Where do old bowling balls end up?
In the gutter!

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?
The champire!

What is a tennis player’s favorite city?
Volley wood !

How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ion!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!

What is a runner’s favorite subject in school?

Who won the race between two balls of string?
They we’re tied !

Where do religious school children practice sports?
in the prayground!



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